When I first got involved in Findom, I thought it was something I could easily stop whenever I wanted. Twenty years later, of course I realize that’s not the case. For some subs in this scene, this is something they casually enjoy. It’s like ice-cream…they love when they get some, but they know they could live without it if necessary. For others, their involvement in the scene has caused major disruptions in their lives. Even when they see that Findom is rising to level of being destructive, they simply can’t stop. Before reading further, take a moment to rate yourself according to this rubric:
If you find that most of your behaviors fall within the 3 column, it’s probably time for you to take a break from Findom. The problem for many subs in the scene is that’s easier said than done. Because I’ve done everything from trying stop cold turkey to finding ways to manage my spending, I offer these tips to anyone who is struggling in this scene.
1) Start tracking your spending
Before you can get a handle on how to control, limit, or ultimately quit Findom, I believe it’s important that you track your spending for a period of time. The best way I’ve found is to set up a Google Sheet for each month. List the Doms you’re paying and note each time you send them a payment. I found this to be extremely helpful! I always underestimated how much I was paying. By seeing in this format, I was able to make some informed decisions about how to keep my spending under control.
2) Set limits and stick to them
The first limit to set is how much total you want to spend in a period of time. For me, I set limits per month. Once I’ve set that amount, next I try to limit how much I want to spend for specific Doms. For those who enjoy paying multiple/random Doms, you could set limits for how often you will pay a new Dom. At the end of the month you can review how close you’ve come to meeting your goals and set new ones for the following month.
For those seeking to limit the amount of time spent on Findom, the same process can be used. Set a limit for how much time per day, week, or month you want to spend on Findom. You can set the timer on your phone for the time you’ve set. Once you sign in to Findom, let timer go. Once you stop, hit pause on your time. The idea here is to be forced into choosing your time wisely so you don’t spend hours just randomly looking at posts, engaging in meaningless conversations, etc.
3) Take Findom vacations
Time away from this scene is healthy! Believe me, if you step away, the world will not collapse and your favorite Doms will not abandon you. The one downside of giving yourself a vacation is often it’s followed by a huge spending spree.
4) Get help if you need it
If Findom is negatively impacting your life, I strongly suggest talking to someone who can possibly help. If you live in a major city, the odds are you have access to counselors who have experience in both addictions and fetishes. The simple act of talking out loud to someone about involvement in this scene could prove extremely useful. Don’t ever be embarrassed to get help!
5) Find someone in the real world to help you “live” your fantasies
So you’ve tried everything to stop your involvement in Findom, but no matter what, you always come crawling back. Why not consider “creating your own” local Dom. I’ve had great success with this! Find someone who would LOVE the idea of taking some of your cash, but would allow you to limit amounts and help you stick to spending goals. By using “safe words” and exploring other strategies, you and your local FinDOM may be just the thing you need!