Advice for New Subs

@alphakingtyler (Twitter)

WELCOME TO FINDOM!! If you are a sub, you play a very special role in this scene. You have the honor of serving those who are superior to you. If you’re like many of us, you realized long ago that your purpose was to serve dominant Alphas. Maybe it started by doing the homework of Doms in high school and/or college. Maybe you were that kid who got bullied on the playground. However you got started, now you have a chance to relive your fantasies serving Alphas.

@alphakingtyler (Twitter)

As you read through this site, it’s important to remember that Findom is short for financial domination. If this doesn’t interest you, please consider all the other numerous outlets for your desires. Check out sites like Chaturbate and Niteflirt if you’re just looking to see  hot Doms on cam. THIS scene in its purest form is about financial domination, and FinDoms will be expecting you to tribute them.

If you’re a new newbie to Findom, it’s important to decide what type relationship you seek with a Dom. I’ve broken it down into at least three types (I know there are many more). As a sub, you may be interested in one or all three of these types of relationships.

  1. Transactional: In this type of relationship, you’re basically seeking a Dom whose content or time you can purchase. You may choose to buy pictures or videos of his feet or muscles. You may also be interested in content showing the Alpha dominating someone else. You may choose to buy your Doms’ content from them directly, or you might considering joining their OnlyFans-type pages and viewing their content that way. Of course on their OnlyFans, when you see a picture of video that makes you weak or excited, it’s expected that you’ll send the Dom a tip. Finally, you may find a Dom whose time you can purchase for either conversation or role-play (see below).  The bottom line here is you should consider your Dom’s time and resources valuable, and you need to be willing to pay what he demands for them.
  2. Role-play: Often in a role-play situation, the sub yearns to be dominated by the Dom. This domination can happen in conversations online, video calls (via apps like Skype or FaceTime), or in-person. In this type of relationship, it is always clear that the Dom is in charge. While role-play in other BDSM settings doesn’t always have to involve cash or tributes, in the Findom world, it’s expected a sub tributes as way of showing his submission. Role-play can take on so many different forms including humiliation, poppers play (where Dom forces sub to sniff popper, get weak, and tribute), foot or muscle worship, forced chastity, etc. In mostly all scenarios, the Dom is in charge and the sub does what he’s told. For many subs, it’s a chance to live out their long-held fantasies with an Alpha who is willing to play along…for a price.
  3. Pure Financial Domination: Findom actually stands for financial domination, but not all subs reach this level of commitment with a Dom. In this relationship, the sub serves and tributes a Dom because that’s his responsibility. The sub doesn’t expect anything in return, because he knows his place is to provide for the Dom. Of course, subs hope their Doms will occasionally reward them with pictures, vids, their time, etc., but it’s not expected. In its most highly evolved forms, a Findom sub may turn some or all of his finances over to his Dom, literally giving up control of his own money and assets. A sub may also take responsibility for one or several of a Dom’s bills (sometimes literally paying them from his own accounts so the Dom doesn’t even see the bill anymore). Highly evolved pure Findom relationships take time to develop and require a great deal of trust between the Dom and sub. Subs have to trust Doms to respect their limits, and Doms have to trust subs to be consistent and loyal. 

THE REST OF THIS WEB PAGE ASSUMES YOU’VE DECIDED TO BECOME A “PURE FINANCIAL DOMINATION” SUB. If you plan to become more of a transactional or role-play sub, some of what’s written below may not necessarily pertain to you. 

Ok, so now that you’ve decided you want to become a FinSUB, what level do you aspire to achieve? The thing that frustrates Doms more than anything else in this scene are subs they consider “time-wasters.” They often define these subs as ones who talk on and on about “their needs” without realizing this scene is about financial domination and the “Dom’s needs.” And while this scene is about tributes and gifts for Doms, there are many other ways for a sub to be useful. For example, a growing group of subs are serving Doms by doing design and graphics work for their Twitter pages. Other subs are growing their Twitter followings so they can be useful retweet accounts. In situations where subs and Doms live in the same city, subs are cleaning Doms’ homes and doing their laundry. What’s important is that subs should be constantly thinking about how they will demonstrate their worth to Doms. Check out the FinSUB pyramid below and consider what type of FinSUB you aspire to be:

For some subs, the most they’ll ever be is “somewhat useful” while others will rise to the level of “100% Finsub.” Of course anything is much better than being a “time-wasting” annoying sub. As I said earlier, Doms in this scene are extremely annoyed by time-wasters and fake subs more than anything else. If you think this is the route you’ll take, please exit the scene immediately and get your kicks somewhere else.

DECIDING WHICH DOM YOU WILL SERVE CAN BE VERY CHALLENGING. There are so many Doms out there who will be “insisting” that you serve them. There’s no ONE answer for how to find the right Dom for you. Here’s what has worked for me:

@KingSirKraze (Twitter)

PHYSICAL FEATURES & DEMEANOR: First, I’ll check out his Twitter page or other social media to get a sense of whether or not I find him attractive in all the ways that matter to me. Yes, he might look amazing, but if his personality or domination style doesn’t match what I’m seeking, I’ll move on. I’ll also check to see if he’s verified (because I know there are MANY fake accounts out there).  If I don’t see a verification video on his page, I’ll check the verified Doms page: https://thefindom.club/verified-doms/

If I find there is potential for a match, I’ll message him and state my intentions immediately saying something like, “Hi Sir! I checked out your page, and I’m very interested in possibly serving you!” IF I’m feeling VERY good about serving, I’ll also include a small tribute with that first message (because I will have already reviewed his page to see preferred tribute methods). What’s very important here is that early in the conversation I know I need to demonstrate to this new Dom that I will be useful to him. As the relationship evolves, I start to look for other signs of a good fit.

@SkaterFootGod (Twitter)

ATTENTIVENESS, COMMUNICATION, & TIMING: A Dom may look amazing, but they may not have clue how to push my buttons and keep me excited about them. I find  I become devoted to Doms who pay attention to my triggers. They may not necessarily come out and ask directly  what I’m into, but they pay attention and use what they learn about my weaknesses to put me into deeper and deeper submissive states. For those very few Doms who have completely figured out my triggers and weaknesses, they often put me in what I call my “sub space” where my mind is a complete fog and I can do nothing but obey their every command. Sometimes I emerge from “sub space” having tributed more cash than I ever imagined I would. Doms often refer to these moments as a “drain” or “cash rape.”

But even if the Dom is great at making me weak, if they aren’t  just as good at communicating their expectations or needs, things can quickly start to fall apart. There’s a lot to figure out in a Dom/sub relationship…lots of moving parts, so it makes it all so much easier when the Dom is a good communicator.

@GrantKalaa (Twitter)

The final part of communication is timing. I’m definitely seeking a Dom who is mostly available during the times I’m around or horny. That doesn’t necessarily mean I can’t talk to Doms from around the world, but I pay attention to when they are most active and available to talk to me.

RESPECTS LIMITS: Every sub is different when it comes to Findom. Some want to be completely controlled by their Dom 24 hours a day and 7 days a week. Others want a more balanced commitment to their Dom. With regard to time, I definitely fall on the more balanced side, and my Doms know I have a fulfilling life outside of this scene. Finding a Dom who respects my financial limits is also important to me. Of course I know there will be times when a Dom pushes me a bit, especially when I’m in “sub space,” but it’s important that he knows roughly how much I can tribute a week, month, etc. If I have a Dom who consistently pushes me beyond my financial limits, I very likely to move on and seek someone else who is a better fit. What’s important here is that you take time to discuss with your Dom all of your limits and seriously consider your options if chooses not to respect them.

CONNECTION & RELATIONSHIP: Not every sub is seeking a strong connection with their Dom. I’ve heard many subs say, “I just want him to take my cash and disappear…I LOVE that!” My style, however, is to have a sense of connection and to build a relationship with my Dom. I love hearing about their lives, their triumphs and struggles, and of course their experiences in the Findom scene. If my Dom is facing a challenge, I’ll do my best to offer advice and support.

I’m also seeking a Dom I can talk to about aspects of my life inside and outside of Findom. My favorite Doms are the ones who remember issues or stories I’ve shared, and they check back later to see how things are going. They don’t do it because they are role-playing…they genuinely care. With several of the Doms I’ve gotten to know over the years, I’ve been invited to their college graduations and weddings…we’ve gone to dinners and movies…etc. With a very few, I feel I can truly call them my friend. But don’t get me wrong…I always know who’s boss. If we’re grabbing a bite to eat together, I know it’s likely I will be the one paying. The big point here: determine if the Dom you’re interested in is seeking the same level or connection or relationship as you.

@DerrickCage2017 (Twitter)

REAL TIME OPPORTUNITIES: Not every Dom or sub hopes to meet in person. For me, however, I only want to consider serving a Dom that I’ll eventually meet. Over the years, I’ve realized that’s very important to me! It doesn’t mean we have to live in the same city, state, or even country (although it can be ideal if we live close together). 

When I meet a Dom in person, I also want someone who is comfortable doing so. I once had a Dom say to me, “I don’t want to meet you for dinner! What if someone sees us together!” My response to him: “If someone sees us together, they’ll know we’re eating dinner. What’s the big deal??” A Dom with that kind of insecurity isn’t a good fit for me.

Real-time sessions can take on many forms. As I said above, I’m happy to treat a Dom to dinner the first time we meet…that gives us a chance to get to know each other a bit more and see if there’s a good vibe. I’ve also met Doms for the first time in a hotel lobby (when I’ve made plans to visit them in their city). Here are some tips I’ve suggested for that first real time meet.

Finally, I know I’m also looking for a Dom who is comfortable dominating or being worshiped by another guy. I’ve met many straight Doms who were very comfortable having their feet or hands worshiped, physically dominating me in various ways, or simply spitting on my food or in my drinks to demonstrate their full authority over me. I’ve also met many gay and bi Doms who were into things like hand jobs, throat fucking, breath control, etc. The key is to communicate with your Dom the kinds of things you can expect and any “safe words” that might be needed.   

ADVICE FROM DOMS:

I have spoken to many Doms over the years, and many of them have great advice for new subs. One Master had this to say for new subs:

@AsmodianPrince (Twitter)

“Choose your Dom wisely. Send a tribute first out of admiration. Discuss expectations, fetishes, limits, as soon as possible…let go of shame/guilt/remorse. Accept yourself, and don’t objectify your Dom by seeing it as his duty to get you off. Always be respectful, know your place, and know your privilege. Always put your Dom on a pedestal way above you and serve serve selflessly. Do this things and you’ll have a long healthy relationship with your Dom.”
– CashMaster Damien (@AsmodianPrince)

Another Dom, @JohnnyP11513798 on Twitter, created a wonderful graphic that provides guidance for subs wondering if and how they should approach a Master. I think you’ll find it very useful:

 

CLOSING THOUGHTS:

  • Pure Findom isn’t for everyone. If you don’t have the financial resources or time to be useful to a Dom, get out now before the addiction sets in.
  • Get to know a few other subs and see how they make sense of this scene. It’s important to know you’re not the only one with this fetish.
  • BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR FAKE DOMS! If you’re not insisting on verification pics or vids, you’re contributing to the epidemic of fakes in this scene. (Verification for Doms)
  • If you ever get to the point where your participation in this scene is having a significant impact on your life, causing you to lose relationships with family and friends, and is causing other forms of duress, then take a break or stop indefinitely.  Here are some tips on how to recognize if you’ve reached this point.
  • If you’re under 18, stop engaging in this scene immediately!
  • Enjoy!