Talking to Doms online can be a lot of fun. However, as a sub, I LOVE real time sessions! For me, nothing beats kneeling at the feet of a true Alpha and submitting to his every demand!
I will never forget some of my earliest real time sessions with Doms. I was so nervous! As a sub, meeting with an Alpha that first time can be a very intimidating experience. It’s the Dom who holds the power in the relationship, so it’s natural for subs to be a bit on edge. While it’s natural for subs to be nervous, it may be surprising for some to hear that Doms can have a bit of anxiety about a first real time sessions as well. They are also meeting a stranger for the first time, and it always makes sense to take precautions when doing such a thing. So on this page I offer advice that’s useful for both Doms and subs when planning that first real time session.
Real time sessions can take on many different forms ranging from quick ATM runs to full-fledged domination and humiliation sessions. Some of my first in-person meetings started with a casual dinner or drinks so I could get to know the Dom, and others involved immediate feet worship at the mercy of an Alpha I barely knew. For me I learned I preferred sessions with Doms I had gotten to know well via online chat.
There is definitely much to consider when meeting that first time, so here are a few suggestions for both Doms and subs:
- Don’t agree to a real time unless you’re 100% sure you want to take the relationship from virtual to actual. Some subs and Doms are perfectly happy to keep the Findom relationship in the virtual space. It’s often a big step to meet in person, so make sure it’s what you both want to do.
- Discuss expectations and agree on the terms for the real time. This is NOT the time to rely on assumptions. The worst thing is when a Dom and sub arrive at the real time with completely different expectations for what will happen.
- Meet first in a public place! There are lot of weirdos out there, so it’s best to get a sense of a person before you’re alone with them in a hotel room or someone’s home. Have a drink or grab dinner…meet in the hotel lobby, etc. Once you both feel good about each other, the real fun can begin!
- Be careful what personal information you share, especially when real trust hasn’t yet been established. For example, this is NOT the time for a sub to let a Dom look through his wallet. (Once trust is established, maybe the Dom will actually control the sub’s wallet, but you’re not there yet!) For Doms and subs, this is not the time to invite someone to your home. The last thing anyone wants is a future stalker!
- If the real time involves any physical domination, agree upon ground rules and “safe words” for the session. This is very important and shouldn’t be forgotten as things can quickly evolve in real time!
- Once ground rules and “safe words” are established, looks for ways to mix it up a bit. It’s fun for everyone when subs can get pushed to their limits.
Doms, here are some additional recommendations for you:
- Insist on a deposit for any real time session. The amount of the deposit can vary, of course. For example, if you’re expecting the sub to tribute $200 during the real time session, it’s fair to request a $50 deposit. If the sub changes his mind, you at least have that cash in your pocket for the time you spent discussing the real time.
- If you are meeting the sub in another city and he is paying to fly you there and cover your hotel, insist that he send the money to you so you can book everything in your name. The LAST thing you want is a sub canceling a flight or hotel on you!
- After the real time is complete, consider getting some feedback from the sub. What did he like most or least? Is he eager to do another session soon? Why? Getting feedback isn’t a sign of weakness or insecurity. It’s a way to learn what it takes to get deeper into the sub’s head next time. You might also learn some strategies that you can try with other subs.
- Regardless of the tribute amount agreed upon, a skillful Dom will figure out ways to make his sub even weaker in the moment. Often this can result in even more tributes from the sub. I can recall more than one experience where a Dom put me into complete “sub space” and wreaked havoc on my wallet! When it was all over, I was left with much less cash and zero regrets!
In closing, I will say again that real time sessions can be a lot of fun, as long as a few precautions are taken. Be safe and have fun!